It’s time; it is time for me to draw a line under my summer of discontent and self-indulgence and regain some self-control.
During the summer of 2014, I have experienced incredible loss and endured great tragedy. I’ve uncomfortably stared trauma in the eyes and, in tandem, fought an exhaustive combination of sadness and elation, crippling anxiety and surges of powerful, life-changing enlightenment – all of which has taken its toll and pushed my mind and body to its absolute limit.
In many ways, my life has changed beyond recognition; I’ve lost two big characters and major role models, within 4 weeks of each other; my Father and maternal Grandfather, both of whom challenged and inspired me in equal measure. From the day I entered this world, both were along for the ride and now they’re not. All I’m left with are the pictures and the memories and the lights and shadows their presence cast upon my life.
In addition, to add insult to injury, in a painfully-poetic twist of fate my ultimate life-force, my Mother, was rushed into hospital for emergency life-saving surgery, to combat a body-wide Staphylococcus Aureus infection leading to Sepsis and Septic Shock, just 24 hours before my Dad finally passed away due to metastatic Bowel Cancer at just 66 years old.
However, what hasn’t changed and has, in fact, magnified is my intrinsic desire, in times of extreme stress, to reach for artificial stimulus, edible comfort and anything I can get my hands on to dull the pain and re-direct my anxiety:
- After quitting smoking nearly 9 years ago, I have now restarted this habit using a new-fangled but, no doubt, equally dangerous e-cigarette. (Yes! I’ve started again)
- I‘ve existed on pre-packaged, processed food and sugary snacks, wherever and whenever I could get my hands on them; whether it be a hospital café, a service station or just grabbing a take-away because my cupboards were bare and my energy stores empty after travelling to Derbyshire to help care for my elderly Grandma, who suffers from Dementia, in the first few weeks following her beloved husband’s death.
- I was away from home for almost 3 weeks and no sooner had I returned from this trip I was then compelled to be at my Dad’s bedside for his final two weeks with us, again away from my usual routine and eating whatever was available, or indeed stomach-able whilst witnessing such tragedy.
- Whilst coming to terms with the death of my Father and Grandfather, I was also dealing with the trauma of my mother’s 8 week stay in hospital following emergency surgery and again ate and drank to mask the pain and manage the crippling anxiety associated with seeing your loved ones lying unconscious and hooked up to machines in an Intensive Care Unit (ICU).
- I’ve lost my desire to cook.
Note to self: all of the above makes everything feel much worse.
One positive to note is, this summer has proved beyond reasonable doubt that, the gym is my church and my spiritual home and although I’ve indulged myself with unhealthy foods, sweets, chocolates and alcohol I have continued to visit the gym on a regular basis – even seeking out new gyms to use whilst away from home. I would also add that these personal struggles, throughout the summer, have fuelled my training and helped me ‘escape’ from it all by pushing myself to achieve new personal bests.
My mind has beaten my body in every single race – proving I have the strength to ‘get up, dress up and show up’ – whatever life throws at me.
Now, what do I want to achieve:
- Lose the body fat covering the muscles I’ve built since joining the gym in April 2014
- Improve quality of sleep and increase energy
- Stabilise moods
- Stay healthy
Me: underneath the fat!
And, in the words of my Dad “What’s the plan?”
1. Conduct a kitchen clear out: remind myself of what I have and dispose of anything which isn’t a whole food
2. Re-stock kitchen with knives, pans and utensils to overcome excuses and make cooking enjoyable again
3. Research and compile a Nutrition Plan to conqueror ‘all or nothing’ thinking. Life is short, I don’t need to spend the rest of mine abusing my body with bad foods, or, being too hard on myself with self-depreciating, social-life killing famines!
4. Stock my fridge and freezer with organic chicken, fish and grass-fed beef
5. Fill my home with fresh fruit, vegetables, herbs and spices
6. Stop aimlessly Training: plan a Workout Schedule using a combination of Weights and Functional/ HIIT Training
7. Take Phil Richards Amino Relax and Magnesium Relax to improve sleep and reduce anxiety
8. Use Magnesium Spray after workouts and before bed to reduce cortisol levels
9. Invest in some Whey Protein to satisfy cravings and ensure I reach macro-nutrient ratios
Good Clean Living 